Goodbye Summer, My Old Friend...

I know.  I know.  Summer ended over a month ago.  But, here's the thing - My denial of summer ending just ended hours ago. 

It's cold.  And it's only going to get colder.  Plus, it might snow.  Not today, I mean, but eventually.  It's very likely that will happen, you see.  And then I'll have to shovel and that hardly seems fair to me.  If winter would just be so kind as to direct the snow to the grass only, it could all be forgiven. 

Why is this a shock every single year?  And why do I disdain the season that I once loved?  Winter.  Oh winter. 

Fall was always my very favorite season.  It's what I missed the most when I lived in California.  Hands down.  I did miss my family, mind you, but I could visit them and talk to them on the phone.  I couldn't talk to fall.  Couldn't smell it.  Or walk in it.  I missed in a whole awful lot.  Obviously, not in the aching way you miss your loved ones, but in a desire, longing, nostalgic sort of way.  Loves me some pumpkin farms.  In Victorville, we had pumpkin parking lots on the very busiest of all roads.  Not the same.  I loved fall. I still do, in fact.  And I'm willing to forgive fall the crap weather of this year.  Forgive - Not forget.  Watch yourself fall. 

But, fall has fallen out of favor (seriously, did not intend the pun) to give way to a passion for summer.  Oh how I love summer.  Now that Eli is here and mine and a buddy - Oh how I love it.

Summer means time.  Days and weeks stretched out in front of us to do what we want.  Stay up late?  No problem - We can sleep in.  Don't sleep in?  No problem we can take a nap and then stay up late again.  Want to go to a park?  Vamanos.  Beach?  We're there.  Pool?  Yes, indeed I will set aside my dignity and don a swimsuit.  Park?  Let's pack a snack and go.  And when we're at each and every one of those places, he wants to play with me.  ME. 

It was always my dream to be a stay at home mom.  And I could and would gladly do that in an instant.  Except for one little, itty, bitty issue.  Eli likes a house to live in.  And food.  And he keeps on growing.  What the heck is that all about?!  Summer gives me a chance to try the stay at home mom thing on for size.  And to try it on in it's most flattering season.   It fits well, mostly.  No Suzy Sunshine here - There were days I wanted to peck my eyes out.  Days I counted the minutes until bedtime.  Days I had dreams of work.  I might have even cried once. 

But, mostly, it was bliss and I wouldn't change it for the world. Even though it was so hot I not only suffered the discomfort of thighs sticking together, but the indignity too.

We beached it often - Our favorite being when we visited our most awesome friend Mary (shout out to Maaaaarrrry!) in Michigan.  Sidenote:  Why, oh why, do they get gloriously clean and beautiful Lake Michigan and we get floating sludge and human waste.  Not fair.  

We discovered a love for hiking.  Little man was an exceedingly good sport when I got us lost on a loop trail.  Indeed - A loop.  Like a circle.  But I missed the turnoff.  I'd say I'm the only person in the world who could do such things, but I would lay money my sister could as well.   . 

We swam.  At beaches and pools.  Eli discoverd the joy of standing over a fountain with countless other small children while the water entertained him.  Indeed, they do enjoy that. 

We rode bikes.  Correction - Eli rode his bike and I chased him yelling threatening things about how I'd give it away to some other child if he did NOT STOP AND WAIT FOR ME!!!!

We played with people.  Two dear old friends made a stop in Wisconsin on their vacation and we enjoyed that visit very much.  It was like no time had passed at all, in spite of it being 12 years since I'd last seen them.  I value that.  If only 2,000 miles didn't separate that friendship.  But, we will play again...We will.


We camped.  Twice.  With no showers or bathrooms.  Well, the second time we snuck away to a hotel at night, but during the day we had no bathroom.  That was roughing it.  He loved camping.  What isn't to love when you're a little boy?  Dirt.  Treasures.  Campfires.  He had strong desires to earn his Campfire Badge, but it turns out he was too young for mom to let him start a fire.  He did, however, earn his Beer Fetching Badge by learning Uncle Randy's prefered beer and how to open it.  I am very proud.  Plus, I am very hopeful that he doesn't tell his teachers about that. 

We did museums.  And indoor play places.  And anywhere that was running the air conditioning and wasn't our house.

Summer - My old friend.  Thanks for the great time.  This time in Eli's life is short and precious.  I am his everything and he wants to be with me ever so much.  A magical little stage and I thank summer ever so much for our time together. 

Next summer will end with Eli starting school.  Real school.  And every year after that, that's what will happen.  I am trying for the life of me to figure out how that happened.  Where the last three years went?  And I can't.  I get it now - All of you who said, "It goes so fast.  Cherish each moment."  I do get that.  The days are long...The years are short.  And then they're gone and you'll never get them back.

So, I am thiankful tonight for summer and my time with Eli.  For the times he was my best buddy and the times I wanted to run screaming from this parenting gig.  Someday, maybe very long from now, he will look back on his childhood and I'm glad he will be able to remember us.  And carefree days.  And special outings.  I am glad. 

Adios Summer.  I WILL enjoy winter.  There are a million memories to make here too..

You can't write this stuff

Seriously...

A student who is perhaps the kindest and most gentle spirit I have ever met brought me a flat brown booger and announced, "This fell out of my nose and onto my lap.  I don't know what it is."  It's a booger.  Throw it away.  Also, wash your hands.

Another student ate her toenail.  Toenail. No joke.  Every five minutes  like clockwork I tell her to put her shoes back on.   I passed on my regualarly scheduled reminder in favor of not interrupting a story.  Bad idea.  She peeled it right off and popped it in her mouth.  I would like to say I handled it with grace and dignity.  But just as  20 Kindergartners were hanging on my words to find out what Marcel the Sheep did to help his turtle friend that was stuck under a big pot of vegetables I shouted  "GET THAT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.  YUCK.  YUCK.  GROSS.  WE DON'T PUT THINGS LIKE THAT IN OUR MOUTHS!!!!" 

I would like it on the record that I let countless booger eatings go every day.  You can't find everything.  Toenail - I had to intervene.  If you know "The Toenail Story" you know why.

Many moons ago I cleaned a podiatrist office on the weekends.  I'd vacuum up giant crusty toenails - This was bad.  Very bad.  I never cared much for feet.  Like, I know they won't hurt me.  Logically, I know this.  But, if you come near me with your bare foot my heart will being to pound and I'll break out in a cold sweat.  I might also scream and run for my life.  I.  Don't.  Like.  Feet.

So, anyhow...Vacuuming was bad enough what with the sound of toenails being sucked up and all.  But, one day I was wiping down the exam chair.  And I kneeled to get to a low lying part of the chair.  I was summer.  I was in shorts.  Yes.  I got a toenail stuck on my knee.  And people who go to a podiatrist to have their toenails sawed off do not have delicate and lovely feet.  Or toenails.  Trauma.  Clearly or I certainly wouldn't have interrupted Marcel the Sheep to scream across the room. 

Speaking of feet.   What age is it reasonable to expect self grooming?  Because, seriously...It wont' be much longer I find these things all that cute. 

An Open Letter To My Son

Hey Little Darlin'

First and foremost I love you.  And I have wanted you for nearly ever.  Our story is long and detailed and complicated.  And ever so simple.  Girl wants family.  Family never happens.  Girl orders sperm.  Girl has family.  Simple as that, but much, much more complicated.  But, that's our story and I promise to share with you all the details you desire as you age.  However, I will not splash them across this, our little corner of cyber life.  At least not right now on my very first blog.  I do have a filter issue. 

Which brings me to this blog.  Raising you - My 'Fuss.  I was ever so happy to give up all sorts of things for you.  I don't resent or regret a single one.  You are worth all I gave up.  And now you're 3 and I think it's time I take a thing or two back.  Perhaps to find a thing or two of my own.  I like writing, I think. I  like a finished product anyhow and I enjoy the planning and process.  So, this is my thing - My NEW thing.   Plus, I can fill it with stories of us so that one day, you'll have it and you'll know.  I tried that once - Remind me to give you the journal I kept during my pregnancy (very patchy entries) and first year of life (also patchy, sorry).   But, I like this format.  I think.  I like the idea of writing to you, about you, about us, about life...I like the idea.  That's me - An idea person. Sometimes I lack follow through.  You'll learn that.  It's not my finest trait. 

But I digress.

You, little man, motivate me in so many ways.  I'd love to present us as perfect and neat and orderly.  But, goodness...We are not.  We are fun and we laugh a lot and love each other's company.  Someone recently said, "He's mama's boy."  Well, duh?  We're a mom and kid family.  It's us and we're a good set.  I really think we sincerely LIKE each other. 

But, I digress.

I read a blog or an article or something where a mom wrote a letter to her children in which she was "being honest.:"  She knew that, like her own mother, she'd forget all the uglies and remember only the beauty of mothering in years to come when her children were grown.  She would some day say things that all moms say to their grown children as they parent, "YOU kids NEVER acted like that."  She wanted her children to know, when that day comes, she was wrong.  Her kids DID act that way and she just didn't remember them.  As your Grandma also remembers 4 perfect and cherubic children, I want to try my hand at that.  So, you know...So you can remind me when your son or daughter is misbehavin' and I don't remember such things...

Little Man,

You are the most fascinating person in the world to me.  Not to everyone, but to me.  I could talk to you all day.  I could listen to your reasoning and your curiosities and your plans for hours on end.  I could talk about you non stop. I think about you almost always.  

You are funny.  You are smart.   You are damn cute.  You are sweet.  You are polite.  You are good.

You are also a pain in the ass.   It's true.  You are.  You jump off of nearly everything and onto me with little regard to my readiness or desires.  Hot cup of coffee in my hand?  No bother - If you're on the top of the couch and spot my back in a general vicinity - You're jumping.  If I am mowing the lawn and make a sweep near a chair or picnic table you happen upon - You're jumping.

And speaking of lawn mowing.  You have a very bad habit of chasing me while I do it and trying to yank my pants down.  Nice.  Love that.

You have a mind of your own and notions and plans that can't be altered or bribed away.  If you had it in your head that you will sneak up on Grandma when you arrive in her house, there is hell to pay if she says hello first.   If you want to bring a 15th matchbox car to bed, you will.  Lord knows you will.  You don't crack fast when I dig my heals in.  You put up one hell of a fight.  Time outs are battles and can last long.  You are stubborn. 

When you've decided you won't say hello or thank you or some other friendly comments to somone, you won't.  I get embarrased by that.  "Eli, say hello to (insert name of friendly face)."  "NO!"   Lord.  Help. Me.

Sometimes you do have fits at the grocery store.  I went all postal on some old lady staring us down and judging us at the grocery store a few weeks ago.  You wanted gum.  I said no.  You will eat a pack of gum in no time, so you get it ONCE IN A WHILE. This wasn't once of those whiles.  You had other opinions.  Tears.   The old lady found you ill behaved and muttered words.  Certainly, she had children and grandchildren who once had a fit, I wondered (aloud...Like Loud...In her direction).   Your behavior was unpleasant, I admited.  But, it was also age appropriate.  Her's was simply unpleasant.  So, you can be a monster.  But, man I love you and will go all Mama Bear when my cub is being unloved.

You jumped on the display beds at Kohls.  I used to get all snarky inside my head at parents who "let" their children do that.  Sorry parents.  Now my kid has done it.  I abandon a full cart (also judged that pre Eli) and carried a screaming you out of the store.  That wasn't fun.

You have strange collections.  Acorns?  Really?   Bags and buckets of acorns.  You are part squirrel.

But, I digress...

First and foremost I love you.  And I love this crazy ass journey we're on. 

Oops. I just swore again.

More than you'll ever know little man,

Mama