We Interrupt This Bad Ass Mood...

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you
Tomorrow I'll miss you
Remember I'll always be true
And then while I'm away
I'll write home every day
And I'll send all my loving to you

I'll pretend that I'm kissing
The lips I am missing
And hope that my dreams will come true
And then while I'm away
I'll write home every day
And I'll send all my loving to you

All my loving, I will send to you
All my loving, darling I'll be true

The Beatles



The last two weeks with the Fuss were hard.  Like bring you to tears hard.  Something was going haywire and I didn't know what it was and I couldn't find it and I couldn't fix it.  So, man...We struggled.  He buckled at any form of correction.  He refused most every request.  He ranted.  He raged.

He was the Captain, you see.  And everyone needed to listen to him.  And when we didn't we were naughty.  And he was going to get us.  And he would be happy to rant and rage at you for 10  minutes or more to get his point across.  Plus the sound that makes my skin crawl was made often.  "Eeeeeehhhh" in a sassy and obstinate tone. 

He had a lot of grievances.  A lot. 

And he was unpleasant. 

And not particularly kind.

Nor patient. 

The Elf on the Shelf was not going to work because he (and I quote), "...didn't even ask for one!  You didn't even ask me if I wanted one!"  Plus, it was good the Elf was watching when he was ranting at me because, "He can tell Santa that you're being naughty and YOU won't get any presents!" 

And the worst of it all was how much he beat himself up for his three-ness.  In between the raging was a self-beating guilt ride.  He was a naughty boy.  He wasn't nice.  Nobody would want to be his friend.  He did bad things.  For sure the worst of the two weeks was how much he put on himself.

Plus, also, the worst was when I ran out of wine and he kept falling asleep in the car and I couldn't LEAVE him in the car to go get wine and there was no Single Mother With Sleeping Crab Ass Kid in Car wine store drive through where I could buy wine.  Marrieds - Count this as another perk - Someone to pick up wine or watch child while you go out for wine. 

And I missed my funny and happy little man and hoped he'd return soon.

And he did.  A lovely weekend with only normal tired, hungry, sassy stuff but  nothing that brought me to tears. Not even after a well meaning but much cursed fireman gave him a badge sticker and told him, "Now, you're the chief and you can tell you mom what to do today." 

Bad Fireman.  Bad.  Bad.  Bad. 

But, still.  He was lovely. 

Then tonight. Tonight I want to remember.  Tonight I was putting his sweet little self to bed after a night of cotton ball snowball fights where you declared over and over, "We're having a blast Mom!  This is a blast!"  And a night of two popsicles just because and when I let him have the second one he said, "Wow!  Thank you Mom!  You are my very best friend!"  And then snuggling and watching Rudolph where he gets just a little bit closer when Bumble is on and tells me he would really like the toys on the Island of Misfit toys especially the gun that shoots jelly because EVERYONE would love that cool thing. 

And then...All snuggled in sweetly with his puppy, two batman toys, a tape measure, his Knight sword, and four carefully selected books.  He asked me to sing him the closing his eyes song. 

So I did.  I sat  on a stool next to his bed and rubbed his head and sang.   And he smiled at me.  Just smiled.  He was his one year old self to me at that moment.  The sweet and simple toddler that I used to put in his crib and tell, "You is smart.  You is brave.  You is kind"  Yes.  I'd just read The Help and fancied myself Minnie.

But, it was that sweet little honey of a smile and he moved me to tears.  Well, not literally.  Figuratively to tears. 

Then he sat up, came to sit on my lap without word, and just hugged me tight.  Rocking his little self against me.  For a minute.

Be. Still.  My.  Heart. 



Side note:
The last time I sang him this song he smiled at me too.  And I thought we were having a tender moment until he said, "Ugh...I don't like that song. It is waaaaay too long. You just KEPT ON SINGING."  

We interrupted that  tender moment....

Also, the last time he just came to me and sat and sat while hugging I gushed to him about how much I loved him and he told me, "Eww.  Your breath stinks.  Were you drinking booze?" 

We interrupted that tender moment too...